the reluctant narcissist

Bird Flu Anyone?

2008-01-08T03:37:00.000-08:00

Today's Soundtrack: Copeland - Beneath Medicine Tree
Today's Mood: Sick & Tired, but surprisingly happy with where I am in life

I spent the weekend before Christmas through the 29th or 30th of December sick as a dog and unable to talk (I could squeak a little, but you had to listen hard to understand me). Some would have found my inability to talk a gift (to them, of course). I, however, found it to be frustrating, annoying and painful. Particularly since I still needed to make contact with customers to wrap up some end of year business. My throat felt like it was gonna fall off. Right after my body.

Anyway, come New Year's Eve, I was still feeling a little sick, but not enough to blow off a friend's party for a second year in a row. Besides, I figured, I had taken the three days after New Year's Day as vacation days, so I figured I'd have time to rest.

I lost my voice again on New Year's Eve after spending most of the evening sitting out on my friend's back deck huddled over his fire pit. So....cold air and smoke. Not my smartest decision to date, but it was a good time.

Fast forward to today, and I am once again....sick as a dog. Absolutely miserable. Whatever this is does not seem to want to go away. As an adult it's easy to forget how awful a sore throat feels. Until you feel it again. Then it all comes right back.

And so, once again, I'm trying to get a doctor's appointment so I can get some meds to finally recover from this yuckiness. For good, I hope. Unfortunately, it seems that doctors tend to be closed to new patients at the beginning of the year. Which I should have remembered from last year (I tend to get sick every year around Christmas. Good times. And no, I haven't bothered to find a Primary Care Physician, for which I am today kicking myself).

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it's the Bird Flu. Or the Plague. Or Ebola. Or something equally heinous. Who knows? But I feel awful. Guess I'll find out, if I can ever manage to get a flipping doctor's appointment.

Update: I found a great doctor, close by, with walk-in hours from 7:30 - 8:30AM on Weekdays (early, but it's the best I could do). Thinking this will be my primary care physician, too. Also, it's not the Bird Flu! It's just a bad sinus infection! I'm gonna live!

The Best Ever....Movie Lines

2008-01-05T11:24:00.001-08:00

I love Bridget Jones' Diary. In large part because I am hopelessly in love with Colin Firth and refuse to see him as anything less than the delectable Lord Darcy.

Anywho, so I just turned to the Biography channel (one of my favorites) and oddly enough, it's showing Bridget Jones' Diary. And to my delight I "arrived" in time to see what are probably the best lines ever to be uttered on film.

Mark Darcy: I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much.

Bridget: Ah, apart from the smoking and the drinking, the vulgar mother and... ah, the verbal diarrhea.

Mark Darcy: No, I like you very much. Just as you are.

What woman wouldn't LOVE to hear those words come from the mouth of a man she adores. Particularly one as smoking hot as Lord Darcy, errrr...Mark Darcy I mean. It's what every woman secretly wishes for. A man who will love her. Just as she is.

Unfortunately, I am inclined to believe that it only happens in the movies. That's okay. It's better than nothing.

Dinner for Two

2008-01-05T11:19:00.000-08:00

Last night I accomplished an admirable feat. I cooked an entire meal without dirtying one pot or pan! I didn't even dirty a plate!

"How?", you ask. Well I'll tell you. Broil Salmon on foil in the oven, microwave bake the pre-wrapped potatoes, and steam asparagus in those new microwave steaming bags.

It was lovely! And delicious! And minimal clean-up!

Ahhh, a truly perfect evening.

What a Difference a Year Makes

2007-12-31T16:14:00.000-08:00

Wow. I'm sitting here getting ready to go to my friend's annual New Year's Eve party. So different from how things were last year. I was in so much pain at the end of last year. Life was tough and I felt so lost and untethered. And so alone.

And then I started "The Purpose Driven Life" and things began to change. I began to realize that my life really was not about me and my desires. And as long as I made it about me I would never be fulfilled or at peace. These days I breathe easier; I smile more easily and sometimes the smile is even genuine. (0: I love better, I forgive better. I allow myself to be forgiven. My whole life has changed. In one year. So, yeah, what a difference a year makes.

To those I know and love and to those I don't know...I hope that your new year is better than your last. I pray that you'll have peace and joy and find your place in the world. And I pray that your dreams come true.

Happy New Year!!!

Some Cheese with that Whine???

2007-12-27T11:41:00.000-08:00

Two days after Christmas and I have lost my voice. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to get work done before the end of this year and this happens! It's not fair!

What if I have something particularly wise or brilliant to say? What if I come up with the answer to the question of life or the best joke ever?

So now not only do I get to feel like crap, I can't even complain about it!

It's not faaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tastebud Boggling Strawberries n' Shortcake

2007-12-26T19:20:00.000-08:00

Not to outdo myself, but being sick on Christmas means that I missed Christmas dessert. )0: I had gone to the trouble of spending $5.00 on out of season strawberries so that I could make strawberry shortcake.

Anyway, I decided to make it tonight. I developed a tasty little recipe for macerated berries (taste tested by an expert who is not me) that makes an incredible sauce that I pour over buttermilk biscuits and Haagen Daz Vanilla ice cream and top with extra creamy whipped cream. Not exactly what one would call low-fat, but definitely delectable.

Macerated Strawberries...

1 cup halved strawberries
2-3 tbsp salted butter
1 tsp white granulated sugar
1 tbsp light brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp lemon juice

Melt 2 tbsp butter in a saucepan on low
Throw in the halved strawberries
Add sugars, cinnamon and lemon juice
Stir and let strawberries break down and create sauce (about 3 minutes)
Turn off the saucepan and throw in the last tbsp of butter
Let sauce sit for 2 - 3 minutes

...'n Shortcake

Serve over buttermilk biscuits and ice cream and top with whipped cream

My So Awesome Pasta e Fagioli

2007-12-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

Since this blog is supposed to be all about me me me, I thought I would share how incredibly talented I am. I mean I can cook, bake, braise, glaze, roast, toast...I think you get the idea.

Anyway, I made this amazing Pasta e Fagioli (Italian Pasta & Bean Soup) for lunch today (I'm sick and I am so tired of chicken noodle soup that I could just scream). I got the recipe off of the internet awhile back and tweaked it a bit. So I just thought I'd share it.

Bon Appetit!

Pasta e Fagioli

1 pound ground beef (85% lean)
1 small onion, diced (1 cup)
3 large carrots, julienned (1 cup)
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 14.5-ounce cans crushed tomatoes
1 15-ounce can cannelloni beans (with liquid)
1 15-ounce can navy beans (with liquid)
1 15-ounce can tomato sauce
1 tablespoon white vinegar
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon basil
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1/2 pound (1/2 pkg.) ditali pasta

1. Brown the ground beef in a large saucepan or pot over medium heat.
2. Add onion, carrots and garlic and sauté for 10 minutes.
3. Add remaining ingredients, except pasta, and simmer for 1 hour.
4. About 50 minutes into simmer time, cook the pasta in 1 1/2 to 2 quarts of boiling water over high heat. Cook for 10 minutes or just until pasta is al dente, or slightly tough. Drain.
5. Add the pasta to the large pot of soup. Simmer for 5-10 minutes and serve.

If you'd like, top with freshly shaved parmesan cheese or throw in some croutons for variety.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T18:29:00.001-08:00

In keeping with tradition, I spent Christmas at home with Rocky (my 70lb boxer/hound mix), sick as a proverbial dog. I actually look forward to spending the holiday by myself, but somehow I do always manage to get sick. This year was no exception. I feel like crap. No, let me rephrase that. I started off feeling like crap. At this point I feel like an entire pile of crap. My entire body aches, I can barely talk, and my throat has been killing me for four days!

Nevertheless, I enjoyed my holiday. And now I've added a new tradition to my holiday. I rented "Transformers, the Movie" from Pay-Per-View tonight (um, probably the best movie EVER made). And I will watch it and then, hopefully, go to sleep.

All in all, not a bad weekend.

Merry Christmas!!!

The Story of Me

2007-12-19T15:36:00.000-08:00

Today's Soundtrack: Karate - Unsolved
Today's Mood: Content, at Peace & Exhausted

I am finally, once again, completely happy and content all by myself. I have always been a loner. For people who only know me superficially that might be hard to believe. I'm surprisingly extroverted to be an introvert. The thing is, my extroversion is primarily a "put on" to make others feel comfortable. I have always been happiest all by myself, sitting in a corner reading a great book. Or visiting a museum. Or going to the movies. I have always enjoyed my own company. I probably developed this love of my own company as a defense mechanism against letting other people close. As long as I was content with my own company I didn't need anyone else. I was happy to be alone. I cherished my aloneness. And never let anyone close.

Then, about 3 years ago I became friends with these extremely intrusive and bossy people (they're actually anything but intrusive and maybe only a little bossy), who somehow pushed past my perfectly built barriers and somehow wound up very close to my heart. Over time I became accustomed to their presence, to the extent that my own company ceased to be enough anymore. While I was still happy to find myself alone on some occasions, I much preferred the company of one or the other of my friends. My aloneness was no longer enough.

Some time later, due to horrible and painful circumstances which I fully believe now to have been necessary for my growth as a person, I lost both of those friends. One to physical distance and one to emotional distance. It was terribly difficult, day to day, knowing that I was all the company I would have tomorrow (truthfully, I wasn't completely alone; who can ever be completely alone on this overpopulated planet?). But the people who truly got me, understood me, and accepted me, were no longer there. I was back on my own. I missed them terribly. And all of the joy I used to find in my own company was like bitter fruit in my mouth. My aloneness was now lonliness. My solitude was solemnity herself.

They say that it's always darkest before dawn. There were some very dark days. Very very dark days. This new circumstance in which I found myself, wanting people around whom I was not able to have there, forced me to deal with some things in my life which I had been avoiding for a good long time. And this time, rather than turn and run (a skill which I had perfected to an art form), I chose to face the lonliness and forgive some old wounds and in the end forgive myself. The forgiveness was like a strong wind pushing storm clouds away. The light began to shine through for me again. I started to find joy in my own company again. Little by little the missing of my friends grew less painful, and I could laugh out loud again at memories of things we'd done or conversations we had had. Thoughts of them were no longer a bruise on my heart which I had to avoid touching lest I recoil in pain. And eventually, we became friends again.

There's more to the story, and perhaps one day I'll share. But for now, suffice it to say, that as much as I love my friends, I am perfectly happy and content once again.

In my own company.